Feminine Justice

I have a strong desire to say fuck gender norms all together.

Jeff likes to run down the postgame highlights upon returning from teaching class and I like to listen. As of late, I’ve been feeling more and more enlightened about how deep-seated the social construction of gender is. How disturbing it feels to realize that you’re subconscious has been manipulated so thoroughly that you live in a social and psychological prison…all because you were born a girl in Western society. Then, I happen upon Nancy Tuana’s book Woman and the History of Philosophy at the library and it further unravels the wool.

Jeff never shuts up about really interesting (and usually important) shit and that’s one reason I like him. He gets the gears turning in my head. So, now I’m really inspired to stop worrying entirely about the beauty standards I’m supposed to uphold.  I want to embrace the freedom that I technically have to opt out. If I like the idea of chopping my hair off until only a few inches remain, I should do it. If I want to wear an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants one day because I’m on my period and all I want to be is comfortable, I should. If I feel like big tall boots, a ruffly skirt and a chopped up band tee, that’s my prerogative.  Then again, if I want to wear on over-sized t-shirt and sweatpants EVERYday, I should allow myself to be comfortable.

My husband is convincing me that I should not feel pressured to conform and should not be burdened with constantly looking a particular way for someone other than myself. But the irony is, it is my husband whom I mainly dress up for and yes, others, but their opinions mean far less to me.  It is my husband whose gaze I worry about losing. I feel like I have to compete with a plethora of young female students every semester wearing coochie-cutter shorts and boobie shirts to school with the bodies to justify it. They haven’t had any kids yet, they’ve never breast-fed, and they have no “fine lines,” only perfect curves in all the right places. And no, I’m not overstating.  I witness it every Monday and Wednesday as a student myself. Not all of them, but a good number. And that’s enough to make wifey think twicey about letting go of long hair, make-up, and sexy clothing. Taking my personal history into account, I will likely continue to be emboldened, so I think I can safely predict a leap to total freedom. Lest we forget: I am rebelliously inclined.