So the question, how do
you keep it real in the short time between Mama's womb and the tomb? That's
what life is about - What kinda person you gonna be, what kinda witness you
gonna bare, what kinda legacy you gonna leave; what kinda stories you gonna situate
yourself in before you go? That’s the funkmaster.” – Dr. Cornel West
I love Cornel West, because of his “uniform”,
because of his style of speech, and most of all because he exemplifies moral
courage. His public display of ethics is deeply inspiring. The way he
brilliantly combines sophistication and intellectualism and communicates it in
a “blues man” kinda way, makes him the perfect public intellectual.
Unfortunately, it’s clear that he operates strictly from the male perspective. But
I can still admire him for his very admirable traits while not excusing his
lack of enlightenment in that one very important arena.
This entry is intended to answer
the questions posed in West’s quote above. Just for me. Not for you. I realized
that I haven’t yet figured out who I want to be. I seem to be holding on to
some past identities that were formed at a time when I was just letting life
happen to me and not setting any intentions. The hard part is, my past is a
part of me. I was myself then and I am still myself now. My experiences,
however counter-productive or chaotic or frivolous or stupid they may have
been, they shaped me. They had an effect. So, I can’t erase them, nor do I want
to. I had a lot of fun and met a lot of interesting and a few, very significant
people. But now, now it’s time to write my future, set my intentions. So, what
kind of person do I want to be? What will my children say of me after I’m gone?
Several “wants”, a
couple of “ams” and a few “wills”:
I want to help all disadvantaged beings live better lives.
I want to inspire people.
I want to create beautiful things.
I want to learn about the whole world and all the people in
it.
I want to love as much as I am capable.
I want to connect deeply with individuals and the natural
world alike.
I want to value my life as much as my children’s so that I will
feel just as obligated to myself
to make my life as rich as I can.
I want a big family - one full of love and empty of
dysfunction.
I want to be honest, but with finesse.
I want to be bold and brave without feeling self-conscious.
I want to be more disciplined and determined so that I can
see my ideas come to fruition.
I want to learn how to do something really, really well.
I want to look beautiful and interesting but according to my
own standards and whims.
I don’t want to let my gender put me in a box.
And while we’re on the subject, I don’t want anyone to put me in a box.
I am here to break the mold.
I am here to be a subject, not an object.
I will not fade into the background.
I will be seen and I will be heard.
